How to Stand Up after a big Fall

I forgot how the past affected me so much, until one day a lady emailed me and told me she was going through a divorce and it was really hard for her. She would talk about her husband and her children and ask me so many questions that the paranoid me suspected she was some kind of nosey stalker trying to dig  my past. 

But eventually I found out she was sincere, and she was in the same situation as I was, 2 years ago. Back then, I was desperately finding other women who were in the same situation as I was, I needed comfort among those who understood my problem. And I found them in strangers. They Dont judge. 

Part of me didn't want anything to do with her. I did not want to be reminded of the past, let alone try to think back about how it was for me , then. But I felt sorry for the lady. She was me. So I extended my hand of friendship and enjoyed trying to comfort her and guide her through her decisions. I listened. 

I know people say don't talk about the past. The past is the past. But if the past can help others ease their burden, to provide even the slightest solace, Im more than happy to share how I got through everything. 

1. Don't wallow in self pity. Stop with the "Im a divorcee, no one wants me, I dont have a job, im so miserable woohoo". STOP. It wont help. You want people to remember how strong you were, or you want them to remember how miserable you were? If people thinks you're strong, you'll tell yourself that you're strong. It's NOT the end of the world. You're not dead or going to hell. OK that I dont know . haha. 

2. Surround yourself with loved ones.  When it hit me hard, I had my family to turn to Alhamdulillah. Spend time with those who care for you, truly. I was always babysitting Azam, going to Genting and being his babysitter while my SIL went for trainings. It made me calm. And I think my brother knows that. He would take me everywhere. I was always planning our family hols too. We went to Cameron, We went to Bukit Tinggi. It felt soooo rejuvenating, just going there with your loved one without feeling any burden.

I owe it to my family . They're my safety cushion.

3. Find yourself a job (if you dont have one). Back then, I was jobless apart from the studio. With only 1 year experience, I didnt know what I was going to do. I knew I hated food science, and it was only a matter of time before I found my dream job. After 2 years, I got hold of a teaching certificate, and i just got a job with one of the oldest private school in Malaysia :). 

4. Revamp your wardrobe and beautify yourself! You're single, you have a job, you dont have any commitments. Spend your money to make yourself look nice. Dont listen to those who say bad stuff about you . You're not stealing anyones husband. Just enjoy the presence of your own company. Janda hot kan? 

Habis hot la tu? HAHAHA

5. Admit that you're a divorcee. Yes, come on now, it ain't that hard. Khadijah was a divorcee, a lot of other women are. If it wasnt to cleanse your sins, it's to test you. So have faith and stop worrying too much. Before you know it, someone will take you off the market again, like me! haha. OMG im so vain but one of the things i learned was that you should always love yourself first. Always. IF you can get through this, you can get through anything. You came out solid like steel. 

I remember walking all alone through the street (street ya, not streets haha) one night. 

Someone even hitted on me!! haha. Life was good back then. I was happy. 

Now that 2 years has passed, I now have a husband and beautiful baby boy. God loves me so much, he made me go through all that, so I would appreciate the love HE gave to me today. Everytime I think about the past, I dont feel any more hate. God healed me over time, Alhamdulillah. My perspective has definitely changed, and I respect myself more. I came out stronger, wiser and with more respect for myself

If it doesnt break you, it'll make you.